There are professional athletes who become

superstars, and others who maximize their dismal decision-making

skills to become fallen stars.

Allow me to take this time to present Roger Clemens, a

fallen-and-I-can’t-get up star.

Clemens’ fall from baseball icon to Letterman punchline, if put in

front of a radar gun, would blow away any fastball ever delivered by

The Rocket. We’re talking triple digits here. Bob Feller, J.R. Richard

and Nolan Ryan in their prime all rolled into one.

Sunday, the seven-time Cy Young Award winner used a printed

statement to The Houston Chronicle to apologize to family members

and to the public for mistakes he’s made away from the baseball

diamond.

OK, one problem. Well, several, actually.

Does typing a statement and e-mailing it to one’s hometown